Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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