So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
