I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
