used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
