Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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