She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
