How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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