Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
