Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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