I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
