i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
