That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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