Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
