Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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