Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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