Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
