What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
