just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
