He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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