His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
