I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
