Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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