I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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