"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
