Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
