ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Be still, my beating vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
