oh god the rape fog is back!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
