just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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