Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
