His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
