fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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