yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
