Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
