You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
