Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
