His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
