My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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