Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
