party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
