Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
