i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
