Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
