you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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