So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
