They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
