How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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