there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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