Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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