I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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