I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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