im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
