just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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