He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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