apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
