i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
